New Pill Jokes

What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?

Netflix and pill.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist

Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain

Yo mama so stupid she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?

A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks

Why can't people in africa have medicine?

Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach

Jack and Jill wanted some pills So they went to the dealer he saw they were kids and said fuck this shit then jacked rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth pills

Jack and Jill when’s up the hill to have a thrill with pills jack came down fuck a clown and the cum made them frown

A big guy told the small gu do u want a little pill Because u look ill or should I smash u

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

bobby had 54 dicks (54) he took 33 pills a month (5433) once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345) (flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! he's got a lot!

JACK AND JILL 2.0

After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,

Jack was screaming till his voice went nil

And Jill screamed "Chill!"

Jack and Jill went up a hill

To pick some dill

Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill

And he needed a painkiller pill

You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you. That face needing some laughing pills.

Sally had (69) boobs witch was (2,2,2) many (69222)so she went to the doctor on (51)st street ( 6922251) whom gave her pills she took (x8) times a day and now she is boobless

Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that? Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?" Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks... "Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."