Physician jokes
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Why did the doctor turn down the orphan?
He was a family physician.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."