Very sad today found my pet mouse ' Elvis ' dead this morning, he was caught in a trap .
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
What does a cat say when it's angry? - Stop stressing meowt! 😂😂😂😂😂
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
what has two legs and is red all over?
half a cat
billie: hi
me: you wanna hear a story?
billie: yes sure
me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
why did the cat meow because its a cat,And they meow
what do you call a dog with no legs? It dosent matter what you call him,he isnt coming.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler. You're the bunny, and I'm the rottweiler
What do you do with a dog that have no legs, - Take him for a drag
what has 4 legs and 1 arm?- -a pitbull in a children's play area
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores... There is always a kitchen in the back
What do you call a bull dog and a shit tuz :a bullshit
How do u turn a baby into a dog? Douse it in gasoline- light a match-*WOOF*
I'm happy that i named my dog i know what you did. Its funny to see how much people get scared when i call him.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie looking out of the kitchen window "I know," said her mother "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
What did the bounty hunter call his favourite dog. His bobba pet
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
