Pet jokes

Why did the dog go into the fire?

Because it wanted to be a hot dog!

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.

Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

What do you call a dog that tells the time?

A watchdog.

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions.

Onions was a good dog.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

I like cats.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

Times have been so tough lately, I have had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat.

I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.