Pet jokes

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

Why did the dog go into the fire?

Because it wanted to be a hot dog!

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.

Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

What do you call a dog that tells the time?

A watchdog.

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions.

Onions was a good dog.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

I like cats.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

Times have been so tough lately, I have had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat.