Pet jokes
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Chihuahua?
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
I like tortles.