Pet jokes
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup? A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
What do you call a mountain of kittens? A meowtain.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
My dog died.
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.