What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!