Pet

Pet jokes

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

You masturbate...

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?

And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!