Pet jokes
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!