You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
Sometimes I am happy and there are times I envy my dog 🤧
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
Ur adopted.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
