Pet jokes

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.

Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...

There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, 'cause they are all copycats.

What was Stephen Hawking's pet?

A hawk.

How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?

Get it a Rolex!

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

First Man: My dog's got no nose.

Second Man: How does he smell?

First Man: Awful.

What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?

A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

What do you call a dog with 2 legs?

It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.