billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
What do you do with a dog that have no legs, - Take him for a drag
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
what has 4 legs and 1 arm?- -a pitbull in a children's play area
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
