My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Chihuahua?
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
I like tortles.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
