Personal jokes
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?
What do you say to a black midget?
Wanna a shower? You look like you got splashed by a muddy puddle.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
What’s a gay person’s favorite race track?
Rainbow Road.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.