Person jokes
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
Things said by racist aliens: "Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get the hell out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
Orphans: Where are my parents?
Random person: In the bed.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.