Person jokes

What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?

"Thanks for the warning."

What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?

Head and Shoulders. 😊

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:

“I want to nutinyahu.”

“I’d blow up a school for you.”

“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”

“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"

you.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

What do you call a short person that goes to school?

A Sammie.

What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?

Cooking the vegetables.

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

What happens when you suck?

You succ.

You're so fat when you step, you break the galaxy.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!