Person jokes

Man

    • Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

    Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

    Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

    Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    “Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Doctor: *calls 911*

    911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

    Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

    911 service: *hangs up*

  • 4

    • War

    • I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

    He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

  • 2

    • Visibility

    • I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

    Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

  • 0
    • Person memes

    Password

    • 31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".

    When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

    32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.

    "See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow.

    The second crow takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."

    "How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow.

    "Look at its hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.

    33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

    “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

    “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home.

    “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”

    34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

    “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

    “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

    35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.

    36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."

  • 1

    • Health

    • Me: Knock, knock.

    Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

  • 2

    • Face

    • What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

    What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

  • 0

    • Teacher

    • A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

    The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

    Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

  • 1