Person jokes

Fat

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

Eleven

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

Teacher

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Difference

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

Memes

Gun

A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"

Therapy

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

High-five

Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.

Name

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

CPR

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

Language

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Orphan

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

Forehead

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

Mistake

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."