Person jokes

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?

About 3 years.

What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?

Guarded.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!