Person jokes
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite dance move? The worm.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
What do you call a person?
A person.
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Random person: Why?
You: To get to the idiot's house!
Random person: What?
You: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?
A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.
Hi... I'm depressed.
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.