Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Of a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment....
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk but only one person knows about it.
How to complement a depressed person: I like your cuts g
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An Orphan
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What do u call a white person having a seizure
A vanilla shake
I was gonna walk up to a emo and say do you get jealous when your phone dies
You know it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise it's just a missing person.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over." Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
Isn't gwen the most thoughtful person?
