Person jokes
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?
A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Ramsey Bevan
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
Abdi and Tunde are real.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."