Back

Person jokes

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

Your mama is so fat, it said "To be continued..." then it loaded and said "One person at a time!"

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.