Person jokes

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

Person 2: "What is it?"

Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.