One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer. One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. ̈I will go ask God! ̈ So, he asks God, and God chuckles. ̈You are what you are! ̈ The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, ̈What is wrong? ̈ The zebra answers, ̈Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied ́You are what you are! ́ ̈ His friend says, ̈Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said ́You is what you is! ́
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. -- Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
