Perception jokes

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"

The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."

Dark humor is like water: some people get it, and some people don't.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"

Your hairline is back, people say. "Look at this dude."

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Who is the blindest person in the world?

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

No.

Neither has he.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

Your hairline is so far back I need binoculars to see it!

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Helen Keller walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and a wall.