People jokes

I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

What do you call three people in a dark room? A porno.

What do you call a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

What music do depressed people listen to?

"I Believe I Can Fly."

Hey, who thinks Gwen is a dummy, so is Jaden and Kenya!

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?

Core-an (Korean)

Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?

They’re jealous that autism can speak.

(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.

What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.

What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.

Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.

What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw pots and pans around.

"Ching, Chang, Clang!"

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.

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