People jokes
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
What's an orphan's favorite band?
Foster the People 😂
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.