People jokes

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.

What's an orphan's favorite band?

Foster the People 😂

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

No, it's harmless.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

They say they'll stay, but I left first.