People jokes

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What games would deaf people not be good at?

Simon says and Musical chairs.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Why are Black people getting stronger?

Because the TVs are getting bigger.