Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
