Penaldo

Penaldo jokes

Pen

    • I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

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    • Girlfriend

    • I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

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    • PSG

    • I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

    My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

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    • Career

    • OFFICIAL

    Pionnel Pessi's tracklist leaked!

    1. Neymar gave me a career. 2. Lewandowski finished me. 3. 8-2 4. I own Elche. 5. I am a fraud (ft. Pyllian Mpappe) 6. 10m 7. I fled La Liga 8. Want to be Ronaldo. 9. Long live Bolivia. 10. Wind man

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    • Son

    • My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

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    • Idol

    • I was about to go to sleep, but then I remembered my idol has 0 G/A, and it's mid-November. Thanks, Pessi, for ruining my sleep! 🤬

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    • Thief

    • I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

    Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

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    • Farmer

    • As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

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    • Fan

    • As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

    I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

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    • Vacation

    • One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

    Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

    Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!

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    • Scientist

    • EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳

    Characteristics: - Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 - Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 - Finished 😹🤕 - 0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶

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    • Game

    • I was playing FIFA and out of nowhere the game glitched during a penalty shootout.

    Pionel Pessi appeared out of nowhere, took my pen and skied it. Thanks to him, I'm out of UCL and was sacked in Career Mode. Shame on you Pessi!😡😡😡😡

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    • Man

    • I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

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    • Noise

    • I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

    I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

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    • Documentary

    • I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.

    In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

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    • Name

    • MISSING!!

    MISSING!!

    Name: Ghostiano Penaldo

    Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium

    Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".

    Last found - Practicing tap ins.

    Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.

    Might be dangerous towards good players.

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    • Penalty

    • MISSING!! MISSING!! ⚠️⚠️

    Name: Kylian Fraudbappe Missing: 28/6/2021 vs Switzerland Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".

    Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parc des Princes, Paris.

    Last seen: Manuel Akanji’s back pocket.

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    • Thirst

    • I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨‍🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.

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    • Cycle

    • The cycle of Pionel Pessi:

    - Ghosting👻

    - Diving🐬

    - Complaining to teammates😡

    - Complaining to refs🤬

    - Missing sitters🤦‍♂️

    - Gets a lucky open net tapin⚽️

    - Proceed to get 🐐 shouts

    - Repeat🔁

    People with REAL ball knowledge know he’s just an overrated tapin merchant 😭

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    • Ronaldo

    • Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!

    Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.

    Who's supposed to be the goat?

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