My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch. “Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said “Son. That is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games".
I left Twitter for a while and when I tried to log back in I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter. Sadly my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt, shame on you Penaldo!
Siu!!
I invented a time traveling machine and travelled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid, they told me, "it wasn't an asteroid...it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct". Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Pessi!
Its about bottling Its about crying I stay finished I fake retire Put in the diving Put in the ghosting And take my fake trophies Eibar and Bolivia in my veins My barcelona banged by Bayern I bottle the game so whats my farmers name (Pessi)
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me
12 tap ins 11 pointless dribbles 10 fixed league titles 9 missed penalties 8-2 6 dives 500million robbed from Barca 4 ucl semi losses 3 times he blamed higuain 2 retirements And a transfer to a farmers league
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL" .He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳 Characteristics: -Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 -Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 -Finished 😹🤕 -0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶
MISSING!! MISSING!! ⚠️⚠️
Name-Kylian Fraudbappe Missing: 28/6/2021 vs Switzerland Characteristics: Disappearing in big games+Diving+always ranting "give me penalty" Possible Locations : Penalty Spot,Parc des princes, Paris Last seen- Manuel Akanji’s back pocket
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers. He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away
I was in sahara desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, pionel pessi the debut man came to my rescue👨🚒 He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles, "big games" he replied. Thanks for saving my life my idol.
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career. In the trailer Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
I was about to go to sleep but then I remembered my idol has 0 G/A and it's mid November. Thanks Pessi for ruining my sleep 🤬
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name- Ghostiano Penaldo Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium Characteristics: Disappearing in big games+Diving+always ranting "give me penalty" Last found - Practicing tap ins Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone
Might be dangerous towards good players
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups😠 - 13th in the league😱
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league💀 - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL 👻
Who's supposed to be the goat??
The cycle of Pionel Pessi:
-Ghosting👻
-Diving🐬
-Complaining to teammates😡
-Complaining to refs🤬
-Missing sitters🤦♂️
-Gets a lucky open net tapin⚽️
-Proceed to get 🐐shouts
-Repeat🔁
People with REAL ball knowledge know he’s just an overrated tapin merchant 😭
OFFICIAL
Pionnel Pessi's tracklist leaked !!!
1. Neymar gave me a career 2. Lewandowski finished me 3. 8-2 4. I own Elche 5. I am a fraud (ft Pyllian Mpappe) 6.10m 7.I fled La Liga 8. Want to be Ronaldo 9. Long live Bolivia 10. Wind man
