Parent jokes

Mommy?

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?

Why did your parents abandon you?

Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?

Orphan: ...

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?

[Parent’s signature: __________]

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?

Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

We should stop the orphan jokes. The parents will get mad.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."

He went home, his parents weren't there.

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!