Parent jokes

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

What do you call an orphan family tree?

A tree stump.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.

Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?

Because there is never anyone at the door.

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.