What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
what do you call it when panera bread gets painted red
panera red
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
