How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

put on fresh plaster and wall paper

paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

This is a inside jokes for my friend Caiden…

HEY WHERE’D YOU GET THAT PAINT FROM? HA PAINT!!!

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic? Where do you keep the cans of paint?

Q, Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? A, To hide up cherry trees. Q, What’s the loudest noise in the jungle? A, Giraffes eating cherries.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on how hard you through them. 😈😈

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

I’m going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave

How do you paint a wall red?

You shoot a baby with a .50 cal

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 1 you just need too throw it hard enough.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall. Well it depends on how hard you throw them

Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said “Well, we we’re trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard”.

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

Always practice safe sex: paint an x on the sheep that kick.

A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said “what happened to your hand?” looking at the scar tissue near the father’s knuckle, the father replied with “you know what happened, you were there.” the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they’re exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there’s only one painting.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how many you throw.

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