Pain jokes
Ouch!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
I'm Priya.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
👌neck
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.