Owned jokes

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

What is an oven that you don’t own? Nacho oven.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.

Yo, hairline go so far back they got their own fashion type.

Why did C.S.C fail the Trig test? Cosecant remember his own name! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

Why can't an orphan go to S. C. Johnson?

Because it's family owned.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.

Yo forehead so large, it has its own gravitational pull.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?

At least gorillas don't abort their own.

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"