Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.
Yo, hairline go so far back they got their own fashion type.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!
I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.
Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.
