Owned jokes

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea.