Overeating jokes

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

(Obtained by running over 69 children.)

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.

- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

I probably would just stay in bed

You run your mouth all over town

And this one goes out to the sound

Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover

Pay me back, or bitch it's over

All the presents I would send

Fuck my friends behind my shoulder

Next time, I'ma stay asleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

If I could go back to the day we met

I probably would've stayed in bed

You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent

Designer shoes and Xanax tabs

Compliments your make-up bag

You never had to buy yourself a drink

'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

I wrote a little song for you, it go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

Why is the sun red today?

The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.

What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Driver's License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo-

I got my driver's license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street...

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"

The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."

The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!