On 9/11 the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas, one came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Went to my local Indian restaurant asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala the waiter said what's that I said it's the same as a tikka just a little otter
My friend talking to fat boi : I can order you at McDonalds’. Double Big Mac triple quarter pounder cheese burger
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits."
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar...
He orders a drink.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. he sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger. Mason: heh. good thing i eat like a horse. He looks up at the waiter. Waiter: you are a nasty little bunny, aren't you? Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him.... she was a HORSE.
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their RAP SHEETS in order
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Tell someone that your gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo (Them) I 2 poopoo (You) I 3 poopoo (Them ) I 4 poopoo (You)I 5 poopoo (Them) I 6 poopoo (You) I 7 poopoo (Them) I 8 poopoo (And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”)
Yo mama so fat when she ordered a water bed they gave her the pacific ocean.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race. What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way. 2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind. 3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn't order a Mc cumshot
So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “alreight so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “ so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says”I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says” so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says” ok here you go” so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30 storey building and order a drink of beer, then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly so he says to his mate "Gary, take a sip of this drink it makes you fly!" so Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window and dies, and the bartender says "gee, superman your a doosh when you drink"
