OR jokes

My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?

No funeral costs.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.

Why was the orphan so successful?

They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.