Onion jokes
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was cutting onions, the onions cried instead of her.
9/11 sale
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Oliver Tree just died in a helicopter crash?
He doesn't have to worry about that because, according to him, life goes onionionionionionionionionionion.
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."