Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
Water, tastes that one tap in school:
A tier water at 3 am.
S tier.
12 pm water f tier.
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.
I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.
One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP? The condom was actually useful at one point.
What’s one food orphans can eat
Homemade
what do orphans and apples have in common
only one gets picked
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
