Oh shit jokes
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
Anyone else?
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
And Angel says I’m SUS..
real
Definitely not high
Community talk
Guys, I know this is crazy lady talk, but please just bare with me. I'm worried I obviously believe in some very conterversal things, so just yeah wtvr.
Witches and spiritual people all over have agreed that they have a bad or off feeling. Like the feeling you get when something bad is going to happen, something big. Not all, but so fucking many. Theres this person, she made what she called a "Justice jar" for peo… Read more
gm bby hru today oh shit ur at the thing sorry
My dearest friends and family, after seventeen years I have decided that instead of continuing to suffer in the disgusting place that is called “earth,” I have decided that Hell would suit me better. Yes, I didn’t say heaven, and that is because I have done nothing but sinned my way through life and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for rejecting help. I’m sorry for pushing you all to the sides and obsessing over myself. The only… Read more