Oh shit

Oh Shit Jokes

National stereotype

Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.

Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.

Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.

American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."

  • 3
  • Yo mama

    Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

    Girl

    Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

    Prescription

    A man gets an email from his doctor.

    "Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."

    The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

  • 4
  • Fetus

    What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

    They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

    Zone

    I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

  • 1
  • Kid

    When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

    other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."

    Song

    I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

    Fire

    "Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

    Nun

    Man: How tall is a penguin?

    Bartender: About three foot, why?

    Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

    Poor car.

    Rose

    Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

    Pizza

    You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?

    Boss: You're fired!

    Me: Ok?

    Worker: Why are you fired?

    Me: Oh, you wanna know...

    *shows him the oven with my pizza*

    Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!

    Worker: OH SHIT!!

    Boss: Did you say pizza?

    Me: I sure did!

    *shows boss pizza in oven*

    Me: This hoe black as fuck!

    Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?

    Rose

    Roses are red, violets are blue,

    Oh, shit, I have nothing to say to you!

    Casket

    Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

    Cat

    When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

    Toaster

    Roses are red, my toaster too,

    Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?