Offensive jokes
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Im willing to sacrifice
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.