What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?
One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pizza, but all they got was plane.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
Humanity.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
