My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repletedly told him to look where he was going
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp? Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
You know if you go to wal-mart, and go to the milk section you might just find your dads
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex? One will make your day and the other will make your hole weak
Why cant Stephen hawking be a rocket league car? because he cant jump for a aerial
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick... a brick gets laid
What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.
Where do you buy a dishwasher. Hot singles in your area
Why were the twin towers mad? They ordered pizza but all that got was plane
Humanity
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock !
if mistakes make people human than your parents must have been alligators before you were born
So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂
Why is Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
oh my fat joke offended you which one of your chins did i hurt
my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.
So a blind guy is sitting on a park bench his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guys leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat. A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man. That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit. The blind man says Oh it’s not what you think I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the Ass.
