Offensive jokes

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pizza, but all they got was plane.

you.

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

Humanity.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.