Offensive jokes

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.

Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?

Because they ate all the bats!

What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.

Why does USA suck at Clash Royale? They already lost two towers.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

Woah, nice cock.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.

"What's she like?" he asked the boy.

"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.

Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.

What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.

Why are obese jokes so offensive?

Because fat people have enough on their plate.

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.