A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Sex
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
What is a difference between a tree and a school? A school is for kids and a tree is for birds
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
Solved a murder involving the nut case.
What is a dog 🐶? A pet
What did one nut say to the other nut ? Help
Nuts nuts nuts
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated, we don't need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway, guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!!!"
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive ? Christmas 🎄
What nut 🥜 is broken?a silly 😝 nut 🥜
DEEZ NUTS
why does a golfer where two pares of pants
in case he gets a hole in one
Knock knock. Whose there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or Dees nuts in yo mouth!)
Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡 was the best game I’ve
if your left nut was thanksgivin and uour right nut was chismas than you wouldent have any balls because their holadaiys
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Other jokes:
1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?
3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.
4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!
5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.
8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.
🤔 😳 😫 😕 What do you 📞 🤔 😏 😄 😜 🤔 😏 call physically handicapped ♿ homophobic heterosexual men and woman in wheelchairs? ♿ mixed nuts 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩
