Numbers jokes
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
1111111111122222222
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate six, five!
Why was 2 afraid of 1?
Because 7 ate 9.
What's 9 + 10?
21
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."