Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Numbers Jokes
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?
What kind of number hates nuts?
17.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Why was number 10 scared?
It was surrounded by 9/11.
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
