Not jokes
The earth is not round.
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It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Memes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.