Not jokes
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
What do you call a bad pun? The pun is not punny!