Not jokes
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
The power of yeet.
I can't do this - YEET!
I'm not good at this - YEET!
I'm not old enough - YEET!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.