Not jokes
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
What is the difference between a car and a tree?
A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.
What is a plane ✈️ that can not fly?
A fake one ☝️
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
What time is it when you cannot do anything?
What is your car you cannot drive? A super flying car!
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."