Not jokes
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What goes up and down and does not move?
Stairs.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What is an orange?
World's only not rhyming thing. Hehhhehehehehhe.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron.
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.
If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?
"Not now, I have a headache."
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"