New Not Jokes - Page 58 - Worst Jokes Ever

Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?

Home buttons.

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?

Because it always cheated.

Why are orphans always sad?

Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...

When is a cold not a cold?

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."