Heyyyyyy!
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Orphan more like “poor”phan because nobody likes him! :)
Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.
Did you know that ASL is a dead language?
Yeah, nobody speaks it.
Nobody:
Titanic: sYnCccCc
Iceberg: yAaaYeEee
People: yAaanOooO
Ocean: fUuudD
CoCoMeLOn mEmE,
no matter how fast i run, i canT esCaPE mY pRoBLeMs - - oULeH . . .
NoBoDy LOvEs mEh .v.
Mr. Nobody: Water you thinkin's happenin', Ol' Mr. Atlantic? Mr. Atlantic: Something Smells Fishy... Mr. Nobody: Well, duh, you, idiot! Your an =\Ocean/= ! Mr. Atlantic: WTH!?!?!?!?
Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂
yo mama so fat she fell over Nobody laughed but the ground cracked up
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. =knock knock= "Who's there?" "Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
