Night Jokes

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

This is a poem my younger sister when she was three, recited to a crowd and I will never forget it. It is very short though.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".

Boy: can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: if you sing the abcs. Boy: abcdefghijklmnorstuvwxyz! Teacher: where’s the p? The boys answer: in my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Night chat. #love u forever maybe until I die! 🌸

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Who’s the roundest night at king arthurs round table?

Circumference

There once was a man from Peru.who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night ,with a terrible fright,to find out his dream had come true.

Knock knock

Who's there

Insomnia

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady smiles and says "That's a lot of money, of course I would." The doctor smiles and says "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady says "What are you joking? That's no money at all, Of course I wouldn't, what do you think I am?" The Doctor smiles again and says "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

student: why does everyone hate me

another student: Because U got The A last night

There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I'm angry!" His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

I love going to sleep at night

Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand. Moments after I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.

What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏