A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
News Jokes
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What did the atom say to the other atom?
"Did you see the new Tron movie?"
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
