The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
what did the atom say to the other atom? did you see the new Tron movie.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail? There is a small medium at large. (Pause For Laughter)
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, "You can have anything you want.""
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
