Worst Jokes Ever
If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
What goes up but never comes down?
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?
A parent's signature was required.
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
What's your mom on?
Deez nuts!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
What do you call angry midgets?
Short-tempered.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.